Posted in Insight & perspective

Setting a new course in life.

So I have recently signed up to do a Certificate IV in Professional Writing & Editing course via Open Colleges!

Now, this decision was not made on a whim. I have been in much deliberation for quite some time. In fact, I had originally queried with a helpful staff member late last year. I finally followed up with them in February of this year and they said that that particular course was no longer available. They suggested the above course mentioned and here I am.

I consider myself someone who often makes quick yet sound decisions. However, for something like this, I had to think it through. The reason? Lack of confidence. Stemmed from? Failing often on other pursuits in my life.

I have won and failed with diets. I have won and failed with career pursuits. The list goes on. Yes, I should have a more “positive” viewpoint on things and I do, don’t get me wrong. But you do get to a point where when one has their sights on yet another potential opportunity, you find yourself taking a step back and questioning it. You pull out your fine tooth comb and search for nits.

There I was, presented with some information about the course. I went back and forth with some questions with the lovely staff member. I then sat with it. I sat and pondered. I tried to weigh up the pros and cons. It actually brought about an unnecessary amount of anxiety. Then I asked myself, not “why” I was doing it but more so, “what was holding me back?” “What was stopping me?”

Fear. Fear of failing again. Fear of not finishing. And fear of not making an expected lucrative career out of it.

Then I asked myself, why? “Why are you doing this?” No, Selma, “why are you truly doing this?”

It took me a while to search and determine an answer.

I then realised that everything I have ever pursued and seemingly “failed” at was because the results I desired were not strong enough to fight for. Yes, they were results-driven, yes, they were tangible but they were generalised. They were carbon copies of others hopes and dreams.

I really looked within myself. I discovered that I am someone who needs to “feel” good about what they are doing. I need to “feel” that what I contribute to the world will be for its “betterment”. “Things” and “statuses” and “facade” are not enough for me,  I need more.  They are too fleeting and empty.  But, that “feeling” you experience when you are happy with what you have created is something you can’t really see and hold but has such a profound and lasting effect on so many areas of your life; including those people you encounter and the world and its beauties you walk amoungst.  That’s what will fulfill me.

So, why am I truly doing this course?

I am doing this to gain confidence and skills that may have a ripple effect in so many areas of my life. KNOWLEDGE emits POWER .YOUR POWER is confidence in yourself.

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