Posted in Insight & perspective

Why hello there…look who decided to show up…

It has been quite a long time since I have stopped by to let you what has been happening. I would have stopped by sooner but, you know, things have …. Just life getting in the way…

It has been a soul-baring few years. I have walked down an aisle, honeymooned in Europe, my husband left his long-standing job and started a financial planning business. I work with him, somewhat. Extending our family has been a work-in-progress . I am in two minds of enrolling in an online course (with one mind leaning more towards pursing it (another day; another post.) I could go on but you get the jist.

Since finally tying the knot our lives have gone through the process of stripping off and letting go. We have gone through realising everything we thought was, wasn’t. In a way, we are starting back at square one but this time a few steps way ahead. My husband and I have built a wealth of knowledge. We have developed a fiery determination. We have been burnt; our confidence has been shattered. We have lost out and let go on opportunities; we’ve then created opportunities. And despite all of this, we are STILL together. In fact, our love has grown in abundance.

So this begs the question, what do we truly want?

I am not asking what I think I want or what I should have or even what others think I should have. I will ask myself again:

What do we truly want?

What do we desire? 

I began to start thinking about what is it that I truly want. In fact, I am still asking that. So this evening, I began to visualise. I decided to pose the same question to myself.In the future. As I laid on my death bed (many years from now of course.). I asked, “did you truly get what you wanted?” “Have you lived the life you wanted?”

And I looked at myself, with my lived-out body  but with the mind from today and I answered. “No.” \

That “no” had so much behind it. It sent a quiver through my body.

I then asked myself “why?”

Barely breathing, I summoned the necessary energy to answer. “There was a period of my life where I allowed what people think about me dictate how I should live my life. I allowed it to withdraw my full potential purely because they never realised there’s. I had dreams, ambitions, drive. But in turn I had stumbles, road blocks and  plummeting falls. I wasted many years stifled by my own tarnished lack of confidence. I truly believed I was not good enough. I wasted many years not doing what I could have done.”

Baffled I then asked myself, “why did you allow it to affect you?”

I then answered, “it’s because I allowed it to affect me.”

Every decision you make is yours. Nothing or no circumstance is truly and entirely responsible for your decisions outcome unless you allow it.

I now sit here asking myself what I truly want. I don’t look to the past of what coulda, shoulda, woulda been. That way of thinking can be detrimental to your future progress. So the answer?

“To live my life. MY LIFE. Not your neighbours’, not your high school friend’s, not your favourite celebrity’s. YOURS.”

There is nothing more empowering than deciding what you want then creating it.

I am the designer of MY the life. The life that I truly want.