Hello, my name is Selma Danculovic and I’m a serial dieter. Yes, here we go again, another weight-loss blog taking the reader on a journey of the trials and tribulations of #dieting and the like that the writer has to face. Tears, losses, failures, positivity, gains (on the physical and mental/spiritual/intellectual levels). The long absences from one last post to another because, well, life just gets in the way. Yes, yes. I know, just another weight-loss blog. I’m not going to promise you that I’m not going to go through what was just previously mentioned. In fact, I will guarantee you I will (with a big red seal of approval). But I will say this I’m sick to death of my yo-yo dieting, body loss and gains, the rollar-coaster ride that I seriously need to get off of because the first high point/win was great, but after that it just got too scary and unsafe. I need change. I need stability. I need structure. I need to win.
This form of pouring my heart out aka blogging, is my way, I guess, of some sort of accountability? Maybe, just a form of venting? An outlet? A little from a, b and c? I’ll try and not get too deep and meaningful. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I would just like to make more light-hearted observations of the obvious and let you in on it. My observations will be more than just about dieting. Generally it will be about life. More specifically it will about my discoveries about what it means to lead a healthy life. What is well-being? What makes me ultimately happy. A dabble into travel. An insight on trying to succeed in my new-found career as a self-published author. My acting ventures (yes I act. Shock, horror, gasp!) and so many other areas I’ve yet to discover. Now, let’s go back to the general reason behind it all. I’m hoping it will be an insight on how I go about understanding why things are, how I work things out and how I conquer those things. Just living life really.
Oh and yes, as mentioned earlier, I’m also a writer, more specifically a children’s author. I had recently self published my first children’s book for my proposed series The Papakittens Adventures, called Reach for the Stars http://www.thepapakittens.com The first book is available on http://www.amazon.com Yes, yes a plug. I know. But I have to start somewhere right? You will occasionally read about it or see some sort of reference to it every so often. Aaaand that’s the end of that for today.
So let’s just jump back on the dieting bandwagon. My boyfriend and I have recently embarked on a diet which I guess is a bit of paleo/primal/atkins kind of combined with a twist of our own interpretation. We decided to start this (again) about a week ago. What I mean by again is we had embarked on a similar diet like this oh I have to say a little over a year again (Jan 3rd 2013 to be exact). We were doing well. My boyfriend lost around 12-13 kilos over a course of a few months (he has gained 5-6 kilos or so since then) with very little exercise. Very little exercise? Oh sorry, I meant almost non existent. Was I jealous?? Absolutely! I slaved away and I could barely loose a few kilos. Anyway, like many other good intended diets that a majority of society commence then kind of trail back off the track to how things were, for reasons, I’m uncertain of <please insert your own reasons here>. Our reason? Well, I guess it was just laziness to comply to consistency and our lack of discipline. This observation could be viewed as a generalisation but could also work as more specific reasons.
Now as we travelled along the year. We ate what we wanted. I went on another health kick around Aug 2013 by deciding to face my fears and joining a gym. My fears you ask? Well, when I was a teenager I went to the gym like ALWAYS. I put in so many hours and although I was fit I thought I didn’t look it. My quest to reduce my weight further just failed and although I hovered around a specific range, I was just not happy. So I stopped (after a few years) and never signed up for a membership again. I went casually a few times over a course of several years, but most of my work outs were at home. Which worked well up until a couple of years ago. So the fear, you might say, is the fear of failing. I didn’t want to start up, do my workout (several hundred times) and invest so many hours and energy to gain nothing and most importantly, loose nothing!
So I spin-back kicked my fear and I joined the gym. I weighed myself once and didn’t weigh myself again until about a week ago. Now why haven’t I weighed myself since Aug 2013? Prior to joining the gym last year I was obsessed with weighing myself. By obsessed I mean daily, more specifically, often a few times a day. It would often get me down and I just became unmotivated. So by not weighing myself, I deciding to tackle my weight loss journey in a more, I guess you would say, a holistic approach? I started to look at myself in the mirror and objectively view my body changes. This actually worked well. I started to become more positive and had become more kind to myself. My workouts became more performance based so I pushed myself almost each and every workout. I challenged my workouts and injected more variation. When I looked at the mirror I could see the changes and those areas that needed more work I encouraged myself with positivity instead of the usual stream of negativity. It was all coming up Selma.
Now, in saying all of this, I weighed myself a week or so ago and low and behold…I gained a bit over 7 kilos!!!
I will let you digest that a bit. I assure you it’s calorie-free.
I assure you, devastation is an understatement. I remember looking at the scale in complete jaw-dropping shock.
How could this be? I have worked out several times a week, weekly. My diet was occasionally inconsistent but it wasn’t THAT unhealthy surely. So my rollar-coaster of emotions went in full motion surprisingly omitting sadness and anger. Those two emotions were completely absent. I hint of justification came into play for instance, ‘oh it must be muscle gain. I have been lifting heavy weights’. That may be the case, but the figure on the scale is still too high and in my world it’s just not acceptable.
So what did I do? I told my boyfriend that we need to go on that diet we had started last year and we need to stick to it. Very vague, I know, but the difference this time is that we both are completely on board to do this. Our full intention is behind this. And although my boyfriend has mentioned on occasion he is doing this for me, I know deep down he is doing it for himself. We do have our own specific goals. We both want to win at this. We both communicate to each other when one is feeling down about it or wants to quit. We offer words of encouragement. We are metaphorically rowing upstream, with each of us on either side of the boat, oar in hand and paddling in rhythm. Yes, we are not in the lead of this race, but who are we are really competing with?
At this point, I’m not going to mention my current weight. It’s too much for me to bare. All you need to know is that my boyfriend and I are planning an overseas trip and by then (by the end of April) and my first mini-goal is that I would like to loose 15 kilos. Whoa! you say. Whoa indeed.
Author of The Papakittens Adventures Reach for the Stars